Mother-in-Law Bullying: How Do I Find the Courage to Survive?

Deborah 10/29/2023

Digging Deeper Into the Topic…

Ever feel like your mother-in-law can’t stand you? Maybe she criticizes your parenting, makes snide comments about your appearance or career, or constantly competes for your spouse’s attention. You’re not alone. Many women experience bullying behavior from their mother-in-law that leaves them feeling hurt, anxious, and like an outsider in their own family. But there is hope. You can find ways to stand up for yourself, set clear boundaries, get your spouse on the same page, and make the relationship more tolerable. Surviving a toxic mother-in-law is challenging, but with courage and the right strategies, you can overcome her bullying and take back control of your life. And, it is normal that you are feeling that low self esteem and that you have been bullied. So, let’s change that and attempt to stop it from affecting you and your children, ok?

Recognizing the Signs of a Bullying Mother-in-Law

She criticizes your parenting

There are different types of bullying. In your case, your mother-in-law constantly questions your decisions regarding your kids. She undermines your authority and makes snide comments about your parenting abilities. Stand up for yourself in a calm, respectful way. Say something like, “We appreciate your input, but we make the final decisions about our children.”

She interferes in your marriage

If your mother-in-law meddles in your relationship or tries to cause trouble between you and your spouse, it’s bullying behavior. Talk to your partner and present a united front. Politely but firmly tell her that you will not tolerate her interference. You may need to limit the time you spend with her if she continues her meddling ways.

She plays the victim

Bullying mothers-in-law are manipulative and frequently play the victim. She may cry, complain, and say hurtful things to make you feel guilty. Don’t fall for her manipulations. Stay calm, and remember that you do not deserve to be treated this way. Suggest counseling or mediation if her behavior continues without consequence. You have the power to stand up to her bullying and reclaim your happiness.

The Emotional Toll of Mother-in-Law Bullying

The constant criticism and judgment from your mother-in-law can really take an emotional toll. You may feel anxious, depressed, and like nothing you do is good enough. This is not your fault – her behavior says more about her than you.

Some days will be harder than others. On difficult days:

Practice self-care. Do something kind for yourself, like exercising, journalling, or calling a friend.
Remember her bullying is not a reflection of your worth. You are a good, capable person deserving of love and respect.
Set boundaries. Politely but firmly tell your mother-in-law that her criticism is hurtful and that you won’t engage further. Then, walk away if she continues.
Lean on your spouse for support. Talk to them about how their mother’s behavior makes you feel, and work as a team to establish boundaries.

While it can feel hopeless, you have the power to protect yourself. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. Don’t let your mother-in-law’s cruelty define you – you deserve so much more.

Setting Healthy Boundaries With Your Mother-in-Law

Dealing with a meddling or hurtful mother-in-law can be tricky. You need to be firm yet respectful in establishing boundaries. Some tips for navigating this relationship:

Speak up. Politely but directly tell your mother-in-law when she’s overstepped or said something hurtful. Say something like, “I understand you want to help, but those comments weren’t constructive. Please speak to me with kindness and respect.”

Set clear rules. Explain your expectations for her role in your life and marriage. Be specific about what’s okay and not okay. Put it in writing if needed. Share these rules with your spouse so you present a united front.

Limit contact. If she continues to disrespect you after trying to address it constructively, spend less time with her. See her only occasionally and keep interactions brief. You don’t need toxicity in your life.

Get your spouse’s support. Ask them to also speak up when their mother is out of line. Present a united front and stand up for each other. Make sure they understand how her behavior makes you feel and that it’s damaging your relationship.

You deserve to feel comfortable and respected in your own family. Though it can be difficult, don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself against a mother-in-law who insists on bullying or belittling you. Set healthy boundaries, limit contact if needed, and lean on your spouse for support. You’ve got this! Stay strong and remember–her actions say more about her than they do about you.

Finding Support When Dealing With Mother-in-Law Bullying

Reach out to close friends or family members and let them know what’s going on. Ask them to provide moral support and lend an open ear when you need to vent or feel upset. Their compassion and understanding can help give you the strength and courage to stand up for yourself.

Consider joining an online support group. It helps to share your feelings of isolation with others who have been there – making connections and provide advice for coping strategies. You may find local meetups in your area as well. Speaking with a counselor or therapist is also helpful for gaining perspective and learning strategies to establish better boundaries.

Don’t be afraid to be assertive and stand up for yourself, as difficult as that may be. Calmly and confidently tell your mother-in-law that her behavior is unacceptable and needs to change. You may need backup from your spouse on this, so make sure you present a united front. If she continues to bully and disrespect you, limit contact with her as much as possible to protect your own emotional well-being.

While dealing with a toxic mother-in-law is challenging, finding the right support system will give you the courage and strength to survive. Don’t suffer in silence – speak up and get help right away.

Moving Forward: Protecting Yourself and Your Family

To survive a toxic mother-in-law, you need to stand up for yourself. Be confident but courteous. Calmly tell her her behavior is unacceptable and needs to change. Don’t engage or argue. Say your piece, then walk away if she escalates.

Set clear boundaries and consequences if she crosses the line. Let her know if she insults you, she’ll be asked to leave. Follow through with consequences if she does not change. Don’t make empty threats.

Find your tribe. Connect with sympathetic family and friends who support you. Their encouragement can help lessen the sting of her cruelty and give you the strength to stand up to her bullying.

Don’t let her manipulate you. Recognize emotional blackmail and guilt trips for what they are. You don’t owe her an explanation for your decisions. Learn to say “no” and stand firm in your resolve.

Protect your space. Don’t share details of your life or engage with her more than necessary. The less ammunition you give her, the less power she has to hurt you.

Though difficult, you need to be proactive to improve the situation. Speaking up, setting boundaries, and protecting yourself and your family can help put an end to her tyrannical reign over your lives. Stay strong, and don’t lose hope! With time and consistency, she may come around, but if not, you’ve done what’s needed to survive.

Conclusion

You’ve been through a lot dealing with a bullying mother-in-law, but don’t lose hope. Remember that her behavior says more about her than it does about you. Stay strong in yourself and focus on surrounding yourself with people who love and support you. Don’t engage or argue; remain calm and set clear boundaries. Find ways to limit contact when possible. You have so much wonderful life ahead of you; don’t let anyone steal your joy. This is your life, your marriage, and your family. You have the power to rise above the bullying and negativity. Believe in yourself, stand up for yourself, and keep moving forward. The only person you need to please is you. You’ve got this! Stay strong and don’t give up. Brighter days are ahead!