Deborah is a #1 Jazz Singer, as well as a lifelong musician, songwriter, and sound engineer. She is also a writer who pursues a love of positive psychology. She is a thesis short of having her doctorate in psychology.
Latest posts by Deborah (see all)
- Positive Persistence When Being Iced - 07/27/2024
- Mother-in-Law Bullying: How Do I Find the Courage to Survive? - 10/29/2023
- He Has Changed. How Do I Change Him? - 05/21/2021
You need to have something you are passionate about. All of this will make both you, and your relationship stronger; thus, you’ll be a better girlfriend too. Having a life outside of your relationship is crucial if you want your relationship to survive, otherwise both you, and your guy will be too dependent on each other for your happiness. This dependency can be scary, and even evolve into neediness, fear or slight hatred. Having something going for you ensures that you make each other stronger, not weaker. This tightens the bond between you.
What’s more, the person who is generating the relationship will eventually get burned out and will need to stop. If the lopsided relationship has been going on for too long, it may simply fall apart. Help for the “Type 1? relationship If you are the person taking up most of the emotional space, stop. By taking up most of the space, you prevent your partner from participating in the relationship. Stop taking up the space by shifting your needs outside the relationship (not infidelity). Instead of talking to your partner, talk to your friends or family or to your journal. Instead of asking for many needs to be met, ask for only some to be met, or for none to be met for a period of time. Create a vacuum so that your partner has something to step into. It will feel strange and uncomfortable, but it is necessary discomfort. If your partner does not participate in the relationship, he or she may look for more connection elsewhere. Get help in learning how to stop taking up so much emotional space. Hire a good therapist or a relationship coach to work on this. You may also need help as a couple in learning how to share the emotional space and in teaching your partner how to take up more space. Type 2: Both partners alternate in how much emotional space they occupy, with one person always taking up too much.
Your girlfriend or wife most-likely began the conversation by saying the dreaded four words, “We need to talk,” which probably made you feel sick to the pit of your stomach immediately, right? Suddenly, you felt like you were about to lose something really important to you and panic set in. Now, you’re wondering how on Earth you can turn things around before it’s too late.