Deborah E answers the question, “I have a friend. We have not gotten together much, but we became best friends in a couple of days. Now suddenly, he is not talking to me. He is not replying to my texts or picking up my calls. I really miss him. What do I do to get him back?”

That is great that you were able to hit if off so well and so quickly that you became best friends. I am assuming that you have been friends for a while and that you went from the “acquaintance” level to “close friends” within those couple of days. If that is not the case, and you have only known this friend for a couple of days it is another issue and may be a case of not having had enough time to develop the depth of a sustaining friendship.

So, operating from the assumption that this is a good friend whom you have known for a while (longer than two days), it is obvious (and understandable!) that you would like to know why he is not responding to your texts or phone calls. All of us would want the answer to that question, even if it is not an answer that we want to hear, worst case scenario.

Deborah E answers the question, “What am I doing?”

I am not psychic. However, I imagine, at the time that you wrote the question, you were typing on our web site. LOL

So, Anupama, what ARE you doing?

Deborah E answers, “Hey…I am from India. Well, you might be knowing the thinking of Indian parents about your son or daughter being in a relationship. Well, that is EXACTLY my problem. I have a boyfriend and I am in 9th grade. My parents came to know about it. They told me to stop it, but I am really too much in love with him to end this relationship now. We met at my old society. He hugged me and he kissed me on my cheek. I just told about this to my best friends at school. and my sister. I really trust them. Somehow my parents came to know about all this. They were talking about transferring me to some other place, but I somehow convinced them to keep me in the same school with my sister’s help. They have told me to end the relationship and be friends, but they just can’t understand our relationship. I have told them that I would, but I myself know that it is impossible. I have told all this to my boyfriend. He said that he would do anything to keep me out of trouble. What should i do? I get equally loved from both sides! Parents or love?? Whom should i choose???”

Oh, my dear, I do feel your anguish. I may have been “around the block” a couple more times than you, with some experience, but it was not so long ago that I have forgotten these feelings of young love!

Is it safe to assume, that you would prefer to have both your boyfriend and your parents, rather than to have to choose? You know you really are blessed, because you have a boyfriend that cares about you and parents that care about you! And, you have your friends and your sister!

The fact that your boyfriend said that he would “do anything to keep you out of trouble” says a lot about how much he cares for you and that

Deborah E answers, “I am in love with a guy quite younger than me. I want a confirmation that he loves me, too.”

I believe you have two questions here, possibly three. Your reference to the “younger man” versus a reference to “a man” implies that possibly you are wondering about the age difference. Add to that the use of the word, “quite” and it seems like it may be more than a passing thought on your mind right now.

The other part of your question is something that we always want, and that is confirmation or validation that we are loved by the object of our desire. Hey, even an affirmation that our love for them is desired, is helpful!

The easiest answer, and yet, the hardest, to your second question, is to ask him. If he loves you, he will be able to handle the question, in his love for you. If he does not love you, then he may have a different reaction. However, that said, life is not always so black and white, as

Deborah E answers the question, “I recently had an argument with my wife that resulted in violence. I was able to hurt her physically by squeezing her arm to take her in the bathroom so our kids wouldn’t hear us, which resulted in a big bruise on her arm. I also verbally abused her. I never meant any of it.

Now we are separated for awhile. I really love her and I do not want us to get divorced because our kids are still small. May I ask some suggeations on how I can win her back and forgive me. Thanks.”

Oh, my heart goes out to both of you and to your kids. I really appreciate how you do not want to harm your wife and that you want to make changes to help make your marriage better. I can also appreciate how you did not want to harm your children by fighting in front of them.

One of the first things you will want to do is to apologize to your wife. Of course, you will need to wait until each of you have had time to cool off before you approach that subject.

Realize that your wife does not “have to” give you the opportunity to apologize and she is not obligated to forgive you. However, if she is gracious enough to give you the opportunity to apologize to her, share your heart, in the same way that you have here, in this question. Do

Deborah E answers the question, “Do you think having a long distance relationship works? We just see each other once a month during his trip here where I live.”

Long distance relationships CAN work, but they do not necessarily always work. But, then, if we think about it, not all relationships work, in the first place, do they?

If both parties want it to work, then it certainly can work, but the fact that it is long distance adds a monkey wrench into the whole situation by adding the complications of lack of time together, distractions that may turn into permanent relationship distractions, and a potential lack of cohesion in the relationship. However, comparing the long distance relationship to the local relationship, the same thing can happen when two people share their time with other interests, be it a heavy work schedule, different social groups, hobbies, etc.

Sometimes, distractions, like hobbies, can put a hindrance on the long distance relationship. And, sometimes, the distractions are not an

Deborah E answers, “My friend is angry with me and not on talking terms with me because I did not teach her in the exam.

I am very depressed about it. I have talked to her about this, yet she is not ready to talk to me. What can i do???”

It is always hard when we care for someone deeply and they not only withhold the kindness, but are angry with us on top of it.

You mentioned that she is angry with you because you did not teach her in the exam. The question that I have is whether she is angry because you would not allow her to cheat off of you in the exam, or because she feels that you did not take the time to teach her how to pass the exam prior to the exam, whether that was a matter of time, a matter of expertise, or a matter of her understanding of the material. Either way, the success on the exam should not be the basis for your friendship. If the friendship is based on acquiring something from you (passing the exam), then it is not based on friendship but rather how she can manipulate you to obtain what she wants.

Deborah E answers the question, “How do I know if my crush likes me? What do I do if he does or does not?”

Ahhhh. You have asked the age old question! Even I can remember the days when I wondered the same thing. It wasn’t yesterday, mind you, but it was not that long ago! And, lest you think some of us have it “all figured out,” it isn’t necessarily true. As you have more relationships under your belt, experiencing success and non-success in relationships, you start to be able to identify what is working and what is not working more readily. That does not mean that you become a 100% expert. We are dealing with human beings, after all, and we as human beings may have similar patterns of behavior, but we are also unique, as individuals.

One of the key tools that i have learned, is *communication.* I know that is easier said than done and even when communication is used, it isn’t always entirely effective since it is dependent on imperfect humans to carry it out. Notwithstanding that people could tell a lie, asking your “crush” if he likes you is one way to find out if he does or doesn’t.

Deborah E answers the question, “What if my boyfriend has annoying habits? Should I tell him or not?”

Annoying is annoying. No matter how much we tell ourselves that something isn’t annoying and we can handle it, if we have defined it as annoying, it remains just that, Annoying!

The fact that you have taken the time to write this, let alone think it, says one of at least two things:

Your boyfriend, as a whole is really annoying and you don’t really want a relationship with him, so everything he does seems annoying to you
or,
As you say, he does some things, some actions, that are annoying, but you love him, the person.