Deborah E answers the question, “I’m in love with a married man. I have tried so hard to let go but I still cant. He is also responsible for my education. What should I do now?”

I realize that this love you have for this married man is intense and you feel it deeply, but you need to be able to look at the situation from all aspects, including your heart. It is interesting that you wrote this question, as it is very similar to another question I received recently, I Can’t Lose The Married Man I Love. Please check out that Ask Deborah E question/answer, as well.

You mentioned that this married man is “also responsible for [your] education.” What does that mean, exactly? I noted it as “paying” for your education, but the phrase “responsible” may have other meanings, as well. For example, he may be a teacher or another professional within an educational facility. If this is the case, then the answer to your question takes on another facet beyond the fact that he is married, and that needs to be considered, as well.

Deborah E answers the question, “I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I’m pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I’m so depressed. Tell me what I should do ..”

I am a newly married girl and I have a very happy married life. My husband loves me a lot, but now I’m pregnant. We were not planning for a baby, yet, but, unexpectedly I got pregnant. My husband never talks about the baby. He always takes care of me. He always used to say take care of yourself, but never says take care of the baby as well and never shows any excitement towards the baby as the other fathers do. I’m so depressed. Tell me what I should do ..

Oh, honey, I ache for you. It is a tough job, physically, emotionally, relationally, everything-ally, to carry a child within you and to have your body going through all sorts of different things, your emotions on roller coasters and hormones making you feel like you are not the same person. But, what you are experiencing is very beautiful and I’m sure you realize that. I also don’t want you to worry so much about the situation that you

Deborah E answers the question, “I’ve been in a relationship for 3 years with a guy. Last week he told me that he does not want to continue with me further. i was collapsed after hearing this. He says he wants to make his career so that he can concentrate only on his work. He said for me to never call or try to contact him. i cant understand how can he can do this. I don’t think he loves me anymore. Besides, we had our normal fights. Last year he had also broken up for some other gal in his life, but still i accepted him and gave him a chance. Please help me. What shall I do? Will I get my love back forever?”

Oh, the pain of heartbreak. There is nothing quite like it, and it hurts so deeply. My heart goes out to yours, in what you are going through right now.

Three years is a long time and the longer the relationship goes on, the harder it is for a break-up and the more “pull” we feel to get back together again, as if life will never return to normal without that other person. We have become so accustomed to being with that person, good, bad, and otherwise, that being apart sometimes seems unbearable. That only puts more stress on an already touchy situation.

Deborah E answers the question, “My boyfriend wants to go swimming with his school guy friends. Should I give him my permission? I’m jealous and worried because there are some girls who will be there. :(“

I can certainly understand your concern. And, we women tend to be wired in that way, to fear that other women may attract our man.

Let’s play a little game for a moment. But, before we do, let me ask you this. Do you require your boyfriend give you permission before you go shopping with the girls? If the answer is, “Yes,” that he has to give his permission, how does that make you feel? If that is the way that you want it, then, I suppose the relationship is right where you want it to be and you both are comfortable asking permission of each other before making decisions. That is not a bad thing, just something that you and your boyfriend need to be able to articulate, as far as comfort levels and boundaries.

Deborah E answers the question, “I met someone married. i know this relationship is wrong, but I love him so much and I can’t lose him. What should i do?”

I can understand the feeling of true love and the desire to hold onto the one you love, forever, and wanting to be with that person always.

Before I answer your question, let’s play a little exercise, ok?

From the tone of your question, I believe that you are definitely experiencing very strong emotions for this man and desire to be with him. Let’s pretend, for a moment, that you are the woman that he married, and you have these feelings of love for your husband. How would you feel knowing that you may lose this man that you love and that he may love another woman?

Deborah E answers the question, “Hi,

I am from Mauritius. Actually, last month, my ex proposed to me again. He said that he really loves me and that he wanted to be with me again. After a few days, I told him, “Yes,” as i still have some feelings for him.

It’s been nearly one month that we have been together, but the thing is that he neither calls me nor texts me. It’s always me who calls him, but when I call him, it’s whether he is busy or there’s someone coming to disturb me.

We are never free for a real discussion.

I just want your opinion, what should i do? I really want things between us to get better but i don’t know how to do that.

Can you please help me?

Waiting for your reply, eagerly,

Nirvana”

That is normally an exciting time, to accept a proposal and prepare for your future together with the person you love, and for that, I congratulate you.

However, from your tone in your letter, it sounds as if you have “settled” for this man. I do not get a sense that you are “jumping for joy” over the proposal or the idea of spending your life with him. That would cause me to be a bit concerned, in your shoes.

I once received the advice that you don’t marry the person you can live with, but rather, marry the person you cannot live without.

Deborah E answers the question, “I am in love with a certain man. He travels abroad and I stay in Kenya. He comes only ones a year. We met last year when he was in the UK and he told me he would go to my parents but he didn’t, when he came. I love this man. Or, is he cheating on me?”

It is really tricky and takes a lot of dedication and determination to maintain a long distance relationship. I do not know how much you see this man, or how much time you are able to spend with him, but a person who travels extensively, or even simply “quite a bit,” can cause a relationship to feel like it is a long distance relationship, even if you both live in the same town.

With these types of relationships, assuming there is an adequate enough trust basis to start out with, you need to practice trust. In other words, you need to take efforts, even, possibly more than an in-town relationship, to develop that trust, to nurture that trust, and to “self-talk” that trust. If there is reason for you not to trust, you can address that issue.

Be careful that you do not easily throw away trust without provocation or cause to dispel of that trust. At the same time, you want to be

Deborah E answers the question, “What are some of the consequences of being unemployed?”

Oh, there are many consequences of unemployment, the most obvious being a potential lack of financial stability, or the feeling that that may become the case.

There would seem to be two reasons to ask this question, possibly more. One would be an academic discussion of the cause and effect analysis of this type of situation, say for a thesis or research paper. Another possible reason would be one’s own concern for themselves or for someone they care about who may be going through this situation or possibly facing this situation.

Rather than focusing on the negative consequences which come to mind by the mere mention of a word such as “unemployed,” that, in and of itself, has a potential negative connotation, let’s look at positive outcomes and focus on the opportunities.

Deborah E answers the question, “My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months now. The first month was beautiful, but then the phone calls and texts reduced and even seeing him reduced. He attributes this to a hectic work schedule but he gets me pretty little gifts from time to time. From asking people he stays with, there’s no one else. He also tends to think I nag him and has given me a nickname to that effect. i love him and I think he loves me, too. He is just complicated. He doesn’t like being asked questions.”

I can understand your concern that you are not receiving the same attention that you used to receive from your boyfriend. While he gives you gifts (that is excellent!), you are unsure if he has the same level of love for you that he had before, based on his quantity of phone calls and text messages.

What you are experiencing is normal, the concern about whether your boyfriend loves you and how much he loves you and if that is the same as it was yesterday, and the day before and whether that love will stay the same, grow, or, your bigger fear, diminish.

Your boyfriend’s response is also normal. He appears to be concerned about the questions and, from what you have indicated here, it may be that those questions relate to your relationship and how much he loves you. These questions can become overwhelming to