Deborah E answers the question, “I recently dumped my boyfriend. We were together for more than a year but we’re just 16 so it was probably not “love.” Anyhow, I dumped him because I thought that I was over him but now I feel very lonely and I feel very guilty, too! What do I do?”
Break-ups are always painful, even if you break-up for all of the right reasons and know, 100%, that you did the right thing by breaking up. The challenge when you are the “dumpee” (person being dumped) is a feeling of what-can-I-do-to-get-em-back. The challenge when you are the dumper (person doing the dumping) is was-that-really-the-right-thing-to-do.
I would not criticize you or claim that it was not “love” solely based on your age. It is true that you have not lived on this earth as many years as some of us, and your wisdom, let alone common sense, is still growing, but that is true of all of us. We are continually on an improvement path, a path of deeper understanding and wisdom (IF we allow ourselves to be).
Deborah E answers the question, “I’d like to know more about persuasive speech of boy-girl relationships.”
Persuasive speech for relationships. The first thought that comes to mind is, for what purpose? I know it doesn’t sound like that should matter. After all, you are asking how to do something.
The reason that it matters is because you have to look at the end result of your efforts to succeed with persuasive speech in a relationship. When persuasive speech is used in a seminar, or for a sales pitch, the end result is to sell the product (or speaker, or book, etc.). People hearing the persuasive speech expect to be “sold” and if they feel that things were not completely straight-up, they realize that it was a “sales pitch.”
Deborah E answers the question, “Kindly tell me, When will my second marriage problem be resolved? Is it near or do I still wait longer? Thanks.”
I commend you for your effort in relationships. Your mention of this being your second marriage shows that you are not afraid of entering into relationships.
You use the word, “When” versus “How” which is a focus on a timeline, almost an endurance of this marriage rather than a focus on the steps that it takes to resolve the issues that plague it. It appears that you are attempting to endure the relationship so that you do not call it “quits” before it is time, causing people to think that you have not put your best effort forth.
==> Sidebar: Someone once told me that all divorces have a portion of responsibility on both sides. There is no such thing as 100% fault
Deborah E answers the question, “My husband does not buy anything for me, not even clothes, but I always buy for him.”
It is very nice of you to show your love for your husband by buying things for him. Hopefully, he appreciates it and realizes that you are showing your love for him.
Notwithstanding ulterior motives and manipulations and the like, the giving of gifts generally demonstrates love, however, the converse is not necessarily true. The lack of giving gifts is not a demonstration of a lack of love. That said, it would remain obvious that if someone does not love someone else, they are unlikely to give gifts.
Gary Chapman teaches the “5 Love Languages.” One of these languages is gift giving. People demonstrate their love via the top one or
Deborah E answers the question, “I want to chat with lady for free. I have no money to be a member of a site where I have to login.”
That is a tricky question as there are so many different ways to meet men and women.
You referenced web sites and looking for a free online source. Realize that you do “get what you pay for,” so a free online service may not be the quality (i.e. screening, etc.) that you are looking for, in a service. Also, it may not provide the matching metrics needed to find someone who is compatible. eHarmony is a service that brags about their scientific approach to finding someone who is a good compatibility match for each person, based on their profile. However, I realize that eHarmony is a not a free service.
Deborah E answers the question, “I had a breakup with my boyfriend. He has moved on but I haven’t. I loved him very much but I fear that I will never fall in love again. There is another guy in my life now. He loves me but I don’t know what i feel. How do I cope up with my feelings?”
Interesting thing about relationships. It is easy for those of us who are not a part of the broken relationship to say, “Oh, you broke up, did you?” We see the relationship that existed yesterday doesn’t exist today. It is binary. It is a radio button. It is on, then it is off, like a light switch.
In reality, life is not like that at all. We humans have feelings and those feelings don’t turn off like that light switch. Sometimes they linger for a little while, sometimes they linger for a lifetime. Those of us who have lived many years past the first relationships do not necessarily stop loving that person, but it becomes a perspective thing. Those first relationships and loved ones may continue to hold a special spot in our hearts and our memories as we remember, with fondness, the time that we had with them. That is not wrong, it is a part of the wonderful capacity that we have to love. However, we do need to be concerned if it interferes with our ability to grow or impedes us moving forward in life.
Deborah E answers the question, “I love a guy but he doesn’t love me. Will I ever get his love?”
I know that what you are experiencing is very difficult. It can be frustrating, and just downright a never-ending feeling of sadness!
You have probably heard the saying, “”If you love someone, let them go. If they return to you, it was meant to be. If they don’t, their love was never yours to begin with.”
This is a hard saying to accept, especially when you are in the throes of that unrequited love, the case of loving someone who doesn’t seem to love you back. However, there is a lot of truth in that saying. You cannot force someone to love you. I know you already know that, or you wouldn’t be seeking a way to “get his love.” The process of “getting his love” is a process of acquiring or gaining, or somehow
Deborah E answers the question, “I’ve been turning this guy’s love proposals down and have done it again. This time I’m getting heartbroken thinking he will hate me now if he doesn’t already. I do like him but to accept his proposal will be something which will defy my morals because I’m only 14 years. I want to know if I did the wrong thing by turning him down but still wanting him as a friend, truly.”
Oh, you didn’t do the wrong thing by turning him down and still wanting to be friends. That is very caring of you, to do just that, continue to care about him as a friend.
You stated it vey well, yourself, when you said that it would go against your morals because you are 14 years old. The fact that you are able to articulate that shows maturity for your young age and that is good. Whether these are morals that you have come up with on your own, or within your family structure or culture, they are moral standards that you subscribe to and hold dear. You need to be true to yourself and continue to follow your own standards. Otherwise, you are at risk of losing who you are or where you are going.
Deborah E answers the question, “My ex-boyfriend called me and told me stuff that I’ve always wanted to hear, but he does not want to get into a relationship and says that he will not be happy with me. What do I do?”
Some people are very talented with the use of words. They are charmers. They are good at what they do, and they make us feel good, especially if words and validation are really important to us. It is always very gratifying to hear and cherish those words.
Enjoy the moment, hearing the words that you have always wanted to hear, but realize that they are just that, words. In order to have a fulfilling relationship, one that makes you happy, you need action to be a part of your relationship. He has the “words” part, but has stated, himself, that he does not want the relationship part. He has taken it even a step further (as if stating that he doesn’t want a relationship is not enough) and said that he will not be happy with you. This says several things, including that he does not believe in you enough for a relationship and that he is not choosing to make an effort to be happy with you.
Deborah E answers the question, “How can you tell if someone loves you, really?”
Very good question, one that many of us of have had throughout our lives. Even in cases where someone tells you that he or she loves you, it may turn out that they did not really love you, or did not love you as much as you loved him or her or as much as you thought that they loved you.
Tongue twister? Doesn’t have to be…
Something interesting about love, and about life, really. The view of what “love” is and what “life” is, is very subjective, based on the individual’s perspective. Another example is the use of “normal.” Let me give you an example. For one person, the absence of yelling, in